How to Write a Memoir: Examples and a Step-by-Step Guide
Zining Mok | January 29, 2024 |
If you’ve thought about putting your life to the page, you may have wondered how to write a memoir. We start the road to writing a memoir when we realize that a story in our lives demands to be told. As Maya Angelou once wrote, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
How to write a memoir? At first glance, it looks easy enough—easier, in any case, than writing fiction. After all, there is no need to make up a story or characters, and the protagonist is none other than you.
Still, memoir writing carries its own unique challenges, as well as unique possibilities that only come from telling your own true story. Let’s dive into how to write a memoir by looking closely at the craft of memoir writing, starting with a key question: exactly what is a memoir?
How to Write a Memoir: Contents
What is a Memoir?
A memoir is a branch of creative nonfiction, a genre defined by the writer Lee Gutkind as “true stories, well told.” The etymology of the word “memoir,” which comes to us from the French, tells us of the human urge to put experience to paper, to remember. Indeed, a memoir is “something written to be kept in mind.”
A memoir is defined by Lee Gutkind as “true stories, well told.”
For a piece of writing to be called a memoir, it has to be:
- Nonfictional
- Based on the raw material of your life and your memories
- Written from your personal perspective
At this point, memoirs are beginning to sound an awful lot like autobiographies. However, a quick comparison of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, and The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, for example, tells us that memoirs and autobiographies could not be more distinct.
Next, let’s look at the characteristics of a memoir and what sets memoirs and autobiographies apart. Discussing memoir vs. autobiography will not only reveal crucial insights into the process of writing a memoir, but also help us to refine our answer to the question, “What is a memoir?”
Memoir vs. Autobiography
While both use personal life as writing material, there are five key differences between memoir and autobiography:
1. Structure
Since autobiographies tell the comprehensive story of one’s life, they are more or less chronological. writing a memoir, however, involves carefully curating a list of personal experiences to serve a larger idea or story, such as grief, coming-of-age, and self-discovery. As such, memoirs do not have to unfold in chronological order.
2. Scope
While autobiographies attempt to provide a comprehensive account, memoirs focus only on specific periods in the writer’s life. The difference between autobiographies and memoirs can be likened to that between a CV and a one-page resume, which includes only select experiences.
The difference between autobiographies and memoirs can be likened to that between a CV and a one-page resume, which includes only select experiences.
3. Style
Autobiographies prioritize events; memoirs prioritize the writer’s personal experience of those events. Experience includes not just the event you might have undergone, but also your feelings, thoughts, and reflections. Memoir’s insistence on experience allows the writer to go beyond the expectations of formal writing. This means that memoirists can also use fiction-writing techniques, such as scene-setting and dialogue, to capture their stories with flair.
4. Philosophy
Another key difference between the two genres stems from the autobiography’s emphasis on facts and the memoir’s reliance on memory. Due to memory’s unreliability, memoirs ask the reader to focus less on facts and more on emotional truth. In addition, memoir writers often work the fallibility of memory into the narrative itself by directly questioning the accuracy of their own memories.
Memoirs ask the reader to focus less on facts and more on emotional truth.
5. Audience
While readers pick up autobiographies to learn about prominent individuals, they read memoirs to experience a story built around specific themes. Memoirs, as such, tend to be more relatable, personal, and intimate. Really, what this means is that memoirs can be written by anybody!
Ready to be inspired yet? Let’s now turn to some memoir examples that have received widespread recognition and captured our imaginations!
Memoir Examples
If you’re looking to lose yourself in a book, the following memoir examples are great places to begin:
- The Year of Magical Thinking, which chronicles Joan Didion’s year of mourning her husband’s death, is certainly one of the most powerful books on grief. Written in two short months, Didion’s prose is urgent yet lucid, compelling from the first page to the last. A few years later, the writer would publish Blue Nights, another devastating account of grief, only this time she would be mourning her daughter.
- Patti Smith’s Just Kids is a classic coming-of-age memoir that follows the author’s move to New York and her romance and friendship with the artist Robert Maplethorpe. In its pages, Smith captures the energy of downtown New York in the late sixties and seventies effortlessly.
- When Breath Becomes Air begins when Paul Kalanithi, a young neurosurgeon, is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Exquisite and poignant, this memoir grapples with some of the most difficult human experiences, including fatherhood, mortality, and the search for meaning.
- A memoir of relationship abuse, Carmen Maria Machado’s In the Dream House is candid and innovative in form. Machado writes about thorny and turbulent subjects with clarity, even wit. While intensely personal, In the Dream House is also one of most insightful pieces of cultural criticism.
- Twenty-five years after leaving for Canada, Michael Ondaatje returns to his native Sri Lanka to sort out his family’s past. The result is Running in the Family, the writer’s dazzling attempt to reconstruct fragments of experiences and family legends into a portrait of his parents’ and grandparents’ lives. (Importantly, Running in the Family was sold to readers as a fictional memoir; its explicit acknowledgement of fictionalization prevented it from encountering the kind of backlash that James Frey would receive for fabricating key facts in A Million Little Pieces, which he had sold as a memoir.)
- Of the many memoirs published in recent years, Tara Westover’s Educated is perhaps one of the most internationally-recognized. A story about the struggle for self-determination, Educated recounts the writer’s childhood in a survivalist family and her subsequent attempts to make a life for herself. All in all, powerful, thought-provoking, and near impossible to put down.
While book-length memoirs are engaging reads, the prospect of writing a whole book can be intimidating. Fortunately, there are plenty of short, essay-length memoir examples that are just as compelling.
Short Memoir Examples
While memoirists often write book-length works, you might also consider writing a memoir that’s essay-length. Here are some short memoir examples that tell complete, lived stories, in far fewer words:
- “The Book of My Life” offers a portrait of a professor that the writer, Aleksandar Hemon, once had as a child in communist Sarajevo. This memoir was collected into Hemon’s The Book of My Lives, a collection of essays about the writer’s personal history in wartime Yugoslavia and subsequent move to the US.
- “The first time I cheated on my husband, my mother had been dead for exactly one week.” So begins Cheryl Strayed’s “The Love of My Life,” an essay that the writer eventually expanded into the best-selling memoir, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail.
- In “What We Hunger For,” Roxane Gay weaves personal experience and a discussion of The Hunger Games into a powerful meditation on strength, trauma, and hope. “What We Hunger For” can also be found in Gay’s essay collection, Bad Feminist.
- A humorous memoir structured around David Sedaris and his family’s memories of pets, “The Youth in Asia” is ultimately a story about grief, mortality and loss. This essay is excerpted from the memoir Me Talk Pretty One Day, and a recorded version can be found here.
So far, we’ve 1) answered the question “What is a memoir?” 2) discussed differences between memoirs vs. autobiographies, 3) taken a closer look at book- and essay-length memoir examples. Next, we’ll turn the question of how to write a memoir.
How to Write a Memoir: A-Step-by-Step Guide
1. How to Write a Memoir: Generate memoir ideas
how to start a memoir? As with anything, starting is the hardest. If you’ve yet to decide what to write about, check out the “I Remember” writing prompt. Inspired by Joe Brainard’s memoir I Remember, this prompt is a great way to generate a list of memories. From there, choose one memory that feels the most emotionally charged and begin writing your memoir. It’s that simple! If you’re in need of more prompts, our Facebook group is also a great resource.
2. How to Write a Memoir: Begin drafting
My most effective advice is to resist the urge to start from “the beginning.” Instead, begin with the event that you can’t stop thinking about, or with the detail that, for some reason, just sticks. The key to drafting is gaining momentum. Beginning with an emotionally charged event or detail gives us the drive we need to start writing.
3. How to Write a Memoir: Aim for a “shitty first draft”
Now that you have momentum, maintain it. Attempting to perfect your language as you draft makes it difficult to maintain our impulses to write. It can also create self-doubt and writers’ block. Remember that most, if not all, writers, no matter how famous, write shitty first drafts.
Attempting to perfect your language as you draft makes it difficult to maintain our impulses to write.
4. How to Write a Memoir: Set your draft aside
Once you have a first draft, set it aside and fight the urge to read it for at least a week. Stephen King recommends sticking first drafts in your drawer for at least six weeks. This period allows writers to develop the critical distance we need to revise and edit the draft that we’ve worked so hard to write.
5. How to Write a Memoir: Reread your draft
While reading your draft, note what works and what doesn’t, then make a revision plan. While rereading, ask yourself:
- What’s underdeveloped, and what’s superfluous.
- Does the structure work?
- What story are you telling?
6. How to Write a Memoir: Revise your memoir and repeat steps 4 & 5 until satisfied
Every piece of good writing is the product of a series of rigorous revisions. Depending on what kind of writer you are and how you define a draft,” you may need three, seven, or perhaps even ten drafts. There’s no “magic number” of drafts to aim for, so trust your intuition. Many writers say that a story is never, truly done; there only comes a point when they’re finished with it. If you find yourself stuck in the revision process, get a fresh pair of eyes to look at your writing.
7. How to Write a Memoir: Edit, edit, edit!
Once you’re satisfied with the story, begin to edit the finer things (e.g. language, metaphor, and details). Clean up your word choice and omit needless words, and check to make sure you haven’t made any of these common writing mistakes. Be sure to also know the difference between revising and editing—you’ll be doing both. Then, once your memoir is ready, send it out!
Learn How to Write a Memoir at Writers.com
Writing a memoir for the first time can be intimidating. But, keep in mind that anyone can learn how to write a memoir. Trust the value of your own experiences: it’s not about the stories you tell, but how you tell them. Most importantly, don’t give up!
Anyone can learn how to write a memoir.
If you’re looking for additional feedback, as well as additional instruction on how to write a memoir, check out our schedule of nonfiction classes. Now, get started writing your memoir!
Thank you for this website. It’s very engaging. I have been writing a memoir for over three years, somewhat haphazardly, based on the first half of my life and its encounters with ignorance (religious restrictions, alcohol, and inability to reach out for help). Three cities were involved: Boston as a youngster growing up and going to college, then Washington DC and Chicago North Shore as a married woman with four children. I am satisfied with some chapters and not with others. Editing exposes repetition and hopefully discards boring excess. Reaching for something better is always worth the struggle. I am 90, continue to be a recital pianist, a portrait painter, and a writer. Hubby has been dead for nine years. Together we lept a few of life’s chasms and I still miss him. But so far, my occupations keep my brain working fairly well, especially since I don’t smoke or drink (for the past 50 years).
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Hi Mary Ellen,
It sounds like a fantastic life for a memoir! Thank you for sharing, and best of luck finishing your book. Let us know when it’s published!
Best,
The writers.com Team
Hello Mary Ellen,
I am contacting you because your last name (Lavelle) is my middle name!
Being interested in genealogy I have learned that this was my great grandfathers wife’s name (Mary Lavelle), and that her family emigrated here about 1850 from County Mayo, Ireland. That is also where my fathers family came from.
Is your family background similar?
Hope to hear back from you.
Richard Lavelle Bourke
Hi Mary Ellen: Have you finished your memoir yet? I just came across your post and am seriously impressed that you are still writing. I discovered it again at age 77 and don’t know what I would do with myself if I couldn’t write. All the best to you!!
Sharon
sharonrfarnsworth@gmail.com
I have been told by numerous people numerous times that I should write a book about my life. My first thought is always – what would I possibly write that would be interesting?
Yes, I have had lots of family trauma, grew up in Europe from middle school on, had a very successful career, married & divorced more than once, retired at 50 and now travel the world pretty much full time…. Maybe I can write an impactful story about all this that will be interesting, or moreso inspiring, to others.
Thank you for this… it’s my first step to wrap my head around the big picture.
I am up to my eyeballs with a research project and report for a non-profit. And some paid research for an international organization. But as today is my 90th birthday, it is time to retire and write a memoir.
So I would like to join a list to keep track of future courses related to memoir / creative non-fiction writing.
The Real Person!
The Real Person!
Hi Frederick,
Happy birthday! And happy retirement as well. I’ve added your name and email to our reminder list for memoir courses–when we post one on our calendar, we’ll send you an email.
We’ll be posting more memoir courses in the near future, likely for the months of January and February 2022. We hope to see you in one!
Best,
The writers.com Team
Very interesting and informative, I am writing memoirs from my long often adventurous and well travelled life, have had one very short story published. Your advice on several topics will be extremely helpful. I write under my schoolboy nickname Barnaby Rudge.
[…] How to Write a Memoir: Examples and a Step-by-Step Guide […]
I am writing my memoir from my memory when I was 5 years old and now having left my birthplace I left after graduation as a doctor I moved to UK where I have been living. In between I have spent 1 year in Canada during my training year as paediatrician. I also spent nearly 2 years with British Army in the hospital as paediatrician in Germany.
I moved back to UK to work as specialist paediatrician in a very busy general hospital outside London for the next 22 years.
Then I retired from NHS in 2012.
I worked another 5 years in Canada until 2018. I am fully retired now
I have the whole convoluted story of my loss and horrid aftermath in my head (and heart) but have no clue WHERE, in my story to begin. In the middle of the tragedy? What led up to it? Where my life is now, post-loss, and then write back and forth? Any suggestions?
My friend Laura who referred me to this site said “Start”! I say to you “Start”!
Hi Dee, that has been a challenge for me.i dont know where to start?
What was the most painful? Embarrassing? Delicious? Unexpected? Who helped you? Who hurt you? Pick one story and let that lead you to others.
I really enjoyed this writing about memoir. I ve just finished my own about my journey out of my city then out of my country to Egypt to study, Never Say Can’t, God Can Do It. Infact memoir writing helps to live the life you are writing about again and to appreciate good people you came across during the journey. Many thanks for sharing what memoir is about.
I went to Egypt earlier this year. I aspire for my second book to document and tell the story of my travels of Africa, following the first – a memoir that led me to this post.
I am a survivor of gun violence, having witnessed my adult son being shot 13 times by police in 2014. I have struggled with writing my memoir because I have a grandson who was 18-months old at the time of the tragedy and was also present, as was his biological mother and other family members. We all struggle with PTSD because of this atrocity. My grandson’s biological mother was instrumental in what happened and I am struggling to write the story in such a way as to not cast blame – thus my dilemma in writing the memoir. My grandson was later adopted by a local family in an open adoption and is still a big part of my life. I have considered just writing it and waiting until my grandson is old enough to understand all the family dynamics that were involved. Any advice on how I might handle this challenge in writing would be much appreciated.
I decided to use a ghost writer, and I’m only part way in the process and it’s worth every penny!
Hi. I am 44 years old and have had a roller coaster life .. right as a young kid seeing his father struggle to financial hassles, facing legal battles at a young age and then health issues leading to a recent kidney transplant. I have been working on writing a memoir sharing my life story and titled it “A memoir of growth and gratitude” Is it a good idea to write a memoir and share my story with the world?
Thank you… this was very helpful. I’m writing about the troubling issues of my mental health, and how my life was seriously impacted by that. I am 68 years old.
[…] Writers.com: How to Write a Memoir […]
[…] Writers.com: “How to Write a Memoir” […]
I am so grateful that I found this site! I am inspired and encouraged to start my memoir because of the site’s content and the brave people that have posted in the comments.
Finding this site is going into my gratitude journey 🙂
We’re grateful you found us too, Nichol! 🙂
Firstly, I would like to thank you for all the info pertaining to memoirs. I believe am on the right track, am at the editing stage and really have to use an extra pair of eyes. I’m more motivated now to push it out and complete it. Thanks for the tips it was very helpful, I have a little more confidence it seeing the completion.
Well, I’m super excited to begin my memoir. It’s hard trying to rely on memories alone, but I’m going to give it a shot!
Thanks to everyone who posted comments, all of which have inspired me to get on it.
Best of luck to everyone!
Jody V.
I was thrilled to find this material on How to Write A Memoir. When I briefly told someone about some of my past experiences and how I came to the United States in the company of my younger brother in a program with a curious name, I was encouraged by that person and others to write my life history.
Based on the name of that curious program through which our parents sent us to the United States so we could leave the place of our birth, and be away from potentially difficult situations in our country.
As I began to write my history I took as much time as possible to describe all the different steps that were taken.
At this time – I have been working on this project for 5 years and am still moving ahead.
The information I received through your material has further encouraged me to move along. I am very pleased to have found this important material.
Thank you!
Wow! This is such an informative post packed with tangible guidance. I poured my heart into a book. I’ve been a professional creative for years to include as a writer, mainly in the ad game and content. No editor. I wasn’t trying to make it as an author. Looking back, I think it’s all the stuff I needed to say. Therapy. Which does not, in and of itself, make for a coherent book. The level of writing garnering praise, but the book itself was a hot mess. So, this is helpful. I really put myself out there, which I’ve done in many areas, but the crickets response really got to me this time. I bought “Educated” as you recommended. Do you have any blog posts on memoirs that have something to say to the world, finding that “something” to say? It feels like that’s theme, but perhaps something more granular. Thanks for this fantastic post. If I had the moola, I would sign up for a class. Your time is and effort is appreciated. Typos likely on comments! LOL
thanks. God bless
I am a member of the “Reprobates”, a group of seven retired Royal Air Force pilots and navigators which has stayed in intermittent touch since we first met in Germany in 1969. Four of the group (all of whom are in their late seventies or early eighties) play golf together quite frequently, and we all gather for reunions once or twice a year.
About a year ago, one of the Reprobates suggested posterity might be glad to hear the stories told at these gatherings, and there have since been two professionally conducted recording sessions, one in London, and one in Tarifa, Spain.
The instigator of these recordings forwarded your website to his fellow Reprobates by way of encouragement to put pen to paper. And, I, for one, have found it inspiring. It’s high time I made a start on my Memoirs, thank you.
Thank you for sharing this, Tim! Happy writing!
Hi, I’m Jo. I’m finally jumping in and writing the memoir that has been running alongside me for at least the last 5 years. I’m terrified, of what I’m not 100% sure. The story won’t leave me alone and right now is the time to start my first draft. I’m approaching half way through what nature may call natural life on Earth, mid-life sounds strange to say. It just feels like the right time to document the journey thus far – especially the last decade. It’s been a radical time for transformation, internally and externally. I’m afraid but your post and these comments have helped.
Good luck on your memoir, Jo! I’m excited to hear more.
Muy buen material es claro y preciso , es lo que buscaba, gracias
I awoke from a vivid dream this morning at 5:13 a.m.. I was talking with my grandmother – who passed on in 1986.
We were in a room with a trunk full of papers. I pulled out a document and confessed that I had read it while she was away. It was something she had written about a time she moved through with her husband, my grandfather, who was very ill. I asked her about it, and she began in great detail to explain to me verbally what had happened when he was struggling with ??? a disease that was not one I had heard of before. My conversation with her was SO vivid and specific. I was so happy that I had asked her about it and had a chance to hear more of her story. I awoke, opened my computer, and hunted for information on how to write a memoire. It’s time. I have 2 little grandchildren and a son who may one day want to” talk with me” and hear the stories of the meaningful or dramatic times in my life.
Thank you for your very clear and helpful step-by-step instructions and encouragement. Now, I believe, I can and must, at last, begin this adventure that I have fancied doing for quite some time. The overwhelm that clouds beginning has lifted. I’m relieved and inspired. And grateful for your ability to teach. Thank you!